Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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