remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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