I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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