can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
