he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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