From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
