Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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