I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
