had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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