dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
