Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
