I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
