hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Girls should come with a carfax report
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
