I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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