i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
