Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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