at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
