Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
