I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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