i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
