Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
