if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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