I skipped work to stalk him.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
