Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
