I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Vodka?
Forever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You are a genius and a whore.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
