My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
