What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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