You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
