i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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