no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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