the condom got lost in my hair
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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