just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
