This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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