can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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