My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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