her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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