i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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