Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
