Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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