Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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