YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
love makes seman taste better
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
