What a fucking waste of an outfit
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
