covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
