i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
