so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
