this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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