Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
