tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
