it hurts more in the daytime
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We named our party play list daddy issues
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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