I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dick very happy bro
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
