Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
