I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
