I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need moral support for this bender
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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