Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
