I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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