Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
