my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
