i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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