P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
