Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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