Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
