That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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