you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
