OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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