Who did Billy Mays play for?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
