remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
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Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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