shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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