guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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