Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
