Got a toothbrush?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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