God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
