i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
