You really coming over, don't trick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
