Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
