hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
