You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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