the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
