Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
