wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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