I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
