I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
