She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
