I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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