Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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