MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
